This morning is a day of sharing feelings that showed up, but was struggling with... why I was having them and making myself feel wrong for feeling that way. The funny thing is that it was not just one event but two... WOW!
I was so looking forward to this morning... not being scheduled to work and being able to attend my yoga class, running a few errands and most of all having my sanctuary of silence to work on posting my next chapter of my story. About the time I sat down and started to write an unexpected event happened that upset that plan. Within an hour another event brought even more of the same feelings.
Maybe for some people it may have been something they figured that it happens and we will just deal...well for me that is not how it was. As soon as I knew that my day was in danger of it not turning out the way I had planned... immediately major emotions started to come up.
I felt that I was the default... that I did not have a choice. I was the one that always had to deal. I began to reflect on those feelings and wondering why they had come up. I just wanted to be with them and give them the space to be what they are.
I know that they came from a life lived until now...doing exactly that... just dealing. My conditioned way of being was to let others be and do as they need. What about me?
I have been working to let go of guilt and loving myself unconditionally and being true to myself. Being okay that I do not feel like I really wanted to do something and letting go of my guilt that said I should do it. Honoring those feelings and empowering me to be honest.
Why do we do so many things for others in our life that we really do not want to do... is it a matter of choice. Do we just decide if we choose to do it or do we do it and make ourselves feel wrong for not really wanting to... or do we take a stand for ourselves and convey the honesty of how we are truly feeling with the ones that are involved?
I want to be the honest one... I want to live my life being true to me... That is the only way I can absolutely love me!
I was so looking forward to this morning... not being scheduled to work and being able to attend my yoga class, running a few errands and most of all having my sanctuary of silence to work on posting my next chapter of my story. About the time I sat down and started to write an unexpected event happened that upset that plan. Within an hour another event brought even more of the same feelings.
Maybe for some people it may have been something they figured that it happens and we will just deal...well for me that is not how it was. As soon as I knew that my day was in danger of it not turning out the way I had planned... immediately major emotions started to come up.
I felt that I was the default... that I did not have a choice. I was the one that always had to deal. I began to reflect on those feelings and wondering why they had come up. I just wanted to be with them and give them the space to be what they are.
I know that they came from a life lived until now...doing exactly that... just dealing. My conditioned way of being was to let others be and do as they need. What about me?
I have been working to let go of guilt and loving myself unconditionally and being true to myself. Being okay that I do not feel like I really wanted to do something and letting go of my guilt that said I should do it. Honoring those feelings and empowering me to be honest.
Why do we do so many things for others in our life that we really do not want to do... is it a matter of choice. Do we just decide if we choose to do it or do we do it and make ourselves feel wrong for not really wanting to... or do we take a stand for ourselves and convey the honesty of how we are truly feeling with the ones that are involved?
I want to be the honest one... I want to live my life being true to me... That is the only way I can absolutely love me!