When the girl was around nine but for sure by ten some things started to change. Her father seemed to pay more attention to her and tell her how pretty and smart she was. He would tell the sisters, "Why can't you be like your big sister, she is so pretty and so smart. She never does anything wrong”. It was around that same time she was watching TV with her father late at night. Which he never used to let her do and so it made her feel really special. He was being very loving and she was enjoying his attention. He began touching himself and then he grabbed her hand to touch also. She did not feel like it was right and it made her feel afraid so she didn't stay up late with him ever again. He had come to her after that night and told her if she ever told anyone he would whip her harder than ever. Of course being the good girl... She never told.
Sometime after that her father started coming into her bedroom late at night after she had fallen asleep, he would touch her in places that felt good. She was confused and was not sure if she should let it continue. At some time she decided that it did not feel right and that she would figure out a way to have him stop. When she would hear him coming in she would move around and make it difficult to touch her. She would also get up and go into the bathroom and stay in there until he would leave. Soon came a time where the girl started to feel that he was coming in less, but she also felt like he was going to her little sisters beds. This made her feel really bad and so she knew that she would let her father continue the next time he tried... so she did.
There were several times the father got really brave and would touch her other than in her bed. Once when the family went on a camping trip and it was raining. They were lying on the beds in the tent trailer. The girl was next to her father. They were under the covers and the father touched her while her mother was just across them in the other bed lying with the other kids. She knew this was wrong but she was too afraid to say anything.
The girl thought often to tell a teacher or one of her friends but she never did. She would stay at her friends’ houses as much as possible and felt very lucky to be able to. She would never have them come over to her house. Somehow she was able to work this out. She was very thankful for her friends and their parents. This gave her somehow to not think of her life at home. She did miss her mother but she did not miss anyone else. She felt very blessed and knew that someone or something was always there to help her at that time.
She was really blessed to have had a horse named CB. This horse was not just her horse. Her father and her uncle had brought it home and kept it in the pasture behind their shop. Not only was she responsible for caring for it but her cousins and her sisters were also. She felt a very strong connection to CB. She also felt the horse was only there for her. She knew that the horse was smart. CB would buck everyone else off that rode her, so it ended up everyone was afraid of her. The girl never felt afraid… CB had a sickness that caused her to go away and this made the girl very sad. Soon another horse showed up. One of the neighbors needed somewhere for their horse to eat grass by the name of Minihaha. The girl was lucky enough to get to take care of this horse and was able to ride it whenever she wanted to. That time in her life was very confused but having something to care for, made her feel safe and gave her strength to know it was going to okay.
When the girl was about thirteen the mother and the father were fighting more than ever. The mother was crying almost all the time and the father was gone more often from home. The mother also started to dress differently. She was wearing dresses that were shorter and showed more of her body. She had told the girls that she wanted to look sexy. The girl always thought the mother was perfect just the way she was. She didn’t like the way her mother was acting. It made her want to be away from home even more.
One day the girl’s mother called her to come to her room to speak to her. Her sisters were in the room also. The mother said that one of the sisters had said that the father was coming into their rooms and touching parts of their body that made them feel weird. She wanted to know if it was happening to the girl also. She was so scared... She wanted her to know but she did not want the mother feeling bad or any more sad… She told her it was true. The mother asked why she had never told her and she had said because she was afraid. The mother understood and nothing was ever said about it again.
One night the girl walked in on the mother listening on the phone. She motioned for the girl to be quiet. The mother listened for a while and then she spoke to whoever was on the phone and said crying, “I know what is going on, I know you have a girlfriend, please stop seeing her”. The father just packed his stuff and left.
The mother was so upset she cried all the time. She loved the father and wanted him to come back. The mother said she would do anything for the father to come back. The mother said she loved the father so much. She could not live without him. The girl could not understand. Why would the mother want this father back, which was so mean and was doing these terrible things to her and her sisters? Didn't the mother love her kids more than the father? Now the girl was really confused. She was glad the father left. She didn't want him to ever come back... but he did come back… but not for long. The mother let him be with her but also let him be with the girlfriend. Finally the mother and the father separated. The father’s girlfriend tried to be a friend to the girl. She was only five years older than her. The girl thought it was cool, but she also knew the girlfriend was not like someone she wanted as a friend or to be anything like her.
There was one time after the father moved out that he went on a camping trip and wanted to bring the girls. The mother wanted them to go, so they did… even though they told their mother that they did not want to. The mother said that she knew he would not try to touch them. The first night the father did touch the sisters, so the next night the girl and the sisters decided to sleep outside on a blanket to stay away from the father. The father got so upset and took the girls home that day. When the girls told the mother, she said that they would never have to go with him again.
The mother and father divorced. The mother still wanted the father to be with her. The girl was gone so much by now that she no longer cared what happened any more.
Sometime after that her father started coming into her bedroom late at night after she had fallen asleep, he would touch her in places that felt good. She was confused and was not sure if she should let it continue. At some time she decided that it did not feel right and that she would figure out a way to have him stop. When she would hear him coming in she would move around and make it difficult to touch her. She would also get up and go into the bathroom and stay in there until he would leave. Soon came a time where the girl started to feel that he was coming in less, but she also felt like he was going to her little sisters beds. This made her feel really bad and so she knew that she would let her father continue the next time he tried... so she did.
There were several times the father got really brave and would touch her other than in her bed. Once when the family went on a camping trip and it was raining. They were lying on the beds in the tent trailer. The girl was next to her father. They were under the covers and the father touched her while her mother was just across them in the other bed lying with the other kids. She knew this was wrong but she was too afraid to say anything.
The girl thought often to tell a teacher or one of her friends but she never did. She would stay at her friends’ houses as much as possible and felt very lucky to be able to. She would never have them come over to her house. Somehow she was able to work this out. She was very thankful for her friends and their parents. This gave her somehow to not think of her life at home. She did miss her mother but she did not miss anyone else. She felt very blessed and knew that someone or something was always there to help her at that time.
She was really blessed to have had a horse named CB. This horse was not just her horse. Her father and her uncle had brought it home and kept it in the pasture behind their shop. Not only was she responsible for caring for it but her cousins and her sisters were also. She felt a very strong connection to CB. She also felt the horse was only there for her. She knew that the horse was smart. CB would buck everyone else off that rode her, so it ended up everyone was afraid of her. The girl never felt afraid… CB had a sickness that caused her to go away and this made the girl very sad. Soon another horse showed up. One of the neighbors needed somewhere for their horse to eat grass by the name of Minihaha. The girl was lucky enough to get to take care of this horse and was able to ride it whenever she wanted to. That time in her life was very confused but having something to care for, made her feel safe and gave her strength to know it was going to okay.
When the girl was about thirteen the mother and the father were fighting more than ever. The mother was crying almost all the time and the father was gone more often from home. The mother also started to dress differently. She was wearing dresses that were shorter and showed more of her body. She had told the girls that she wanted to look sexy. The girl always thought the mother was perfect just the way she was. She didn’t like the way her mother was acting. It made her want to be away from home even more.
One day the girl’s mother called her to come to her room to speak to her. Her sisters were in the room also. The mother said that one of the sisters had said that the father was coming into their rooms and touching parts of their body that made them feel weird. She wanted to know if it was happening to the girl also. She was so scared... She wanted her to know but she did not want the mother feeling bad or any more sad… She told her it was true. The mother asked why she had never told her and she had said because she was afraid. The mother understood and nothing was ever said about it again.
One night the girl walked in on the mother listening on the phone. She motioned for the girl to be quiet. The mother listened for a while and then she spoke to whoever was on the phone and said crying, “I know what is going on, I know you have a girlfriend, please stop seeing her”. The father just packed his stuff and left.
The mother was so upset she cried all the time. She loved the father and wanted him to come back. The mother said she would do anything for the father to come back. The mother said she loved the father so much. She could not live without him. The girl could not understand. Why would the mother want this father back, which was so mean and was doing these terrible things to her and her sisters? Didn't the mother love her kids more than the father? Now the girl was really confused. She was glad the father left. She didn't want him to ever come back... but he did come back… but not for long. The mother let him be with her but also let him be with the girlfriend. Finally the mother and the father separated. The father’s girlfriend tried to be a friend to the girl. She was only five years older than her. The girl thought it was cool, but she also knew the girlfriend was not like someone she wanted as a friend or to be anything like her.
There was one time after the father moved out that he went on a camping trip and wanted to bring the girls. The mother wanted them to go, so they did… even though they told their mother that they did not want to. The mother said that she knew he would not try to touch them. The first night the father did touch the sisters, so the next night the girl and the sisters decided to sleep outside on a blanket to stay away from the father. The father got so upset and took the girls home that day. When the girls told the mother, she said that they would never have to go with him again.
The mother and father divorced. The mother still wanted the father to be with her. The girl was gone so much by now that she no longer cared what happened any more.